Could be Better

Let me jump in…..

First, an update on Elizabeth. She had the stints removed/replaced. Dr Corral (like Golden, that’s his words) said it was trickier than expected and they had to manipulate some stuff but everything should be fine. Well fine except for Elizabeth’s pain levels when she got back to the room. Jesus Criminey I’ve never seen someone that uncomfortable in my entire life. The nurses did their best and got her an extra pain med as well as gave her a Valium so she could sleep tonight. They also put her on antibiotics so they moved the IV in her already pincusioned and bruised arms. Both Elizabeth and the nurse told me to look away and go across the room. So that. I just really hope she’s fine in the morning.

Because I can’t stand this.

Here’s the part where usually the funny comes in. Funny however, left the building about seven hours ago and is missing. Everyone asks after Elizabeth and the girls, how are you doing. Well, it changes by the hour. Tonight was rough. If we could’ve swapped everything I would’ve done it in two seconds. And please, don’t take this the wrong way, I’m tired of the prayers and good thoughts. Not tired as quit sending them, because believe me, they’re truly appreciated and everything I’ve said about you guys and the wave holds true.  We’re blown away.  But truth be told I’d rather not be in a position where I needed them. I’d much rather come home to cook and have our standard back and forth where she asks me, “can I do anything from the couch” (with really truth be told no intention of getting up because of) “No, I got it”.  I’d rather her unintentionally get in my way while I have stuff I need to get out of the oven, so I sit and wait.  I’d rather flop on the couch after dinner watching TV until bed.  I miss her wanting her back rubbed on the couch. I’d rather go to bed then after a few minutes of handholding, almost simultaneously saying, I’m gonna flip, then moving to our little edge of the bed. I’d rather be awoke by her talking and coughing in her sleep. All of it. So while we’re thankful and truly blessed to have so many people caring about us and keeping us in our thoughts, there’s a piece of me that really wishes we didn’t need to be tonight or in the coming months. But anyway, like Dr Joesph said, today, get emotional, cry all day.  But tomorrow, only cry for an hour, and the next day, cry less. Cause its time to get tough. It’s time to start kicking a little cancer ass. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent on here and keep riding the wave. It’s really phenomenal how this has caught on and seriously, I owe everyone a debt of gratitude for all the positive thoughts (forget what I said earlier, that was angry Bob, he’s quite the asshole). So I love you guys, keep the faith, and blog at you later.

16 thoughts on “Could be Better

  1. Hey buddy, rant, vent, rage, whatever you need to do. We got ya. Remember that marathon thing..this will be an hour by hour thing. Day by day by day..sorry, digressed into the prayer from Meet the Fockers. Anyways, you get the point. In no way am I comparing my shit show lately to your stuff but I think God totally gets it even when we rail at Him a bit. We love ya. Now go help Elizabeth Kick some cancers ASS!!

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  2. The Doc that said “cry all day today, less tomorrow, even less the next day” is absolutely right. This is advice one gets from a good therapist (been there, done that). Being pissed off and sad is normal, necessary and perfectly fine. And then we gotta pull on our boot straps and get to work. I’m pissed for you! And also holding you all in the light.

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  3. Thank you for the updates, even the ones from angry, asshole Bob! Seriously, if you can’t vent to your friends and loved ones, who else? All that shows us is that you are human.

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  4. Bob,
    Thanks for keeping us updated. And yes, being tough helps, but don’t feel like you always have to be. It is ok to have your moments. You are allowed to be on an emotional roller coaster; it can be a scary ride. Here for anything you all need.
    Jennifer Medley

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  5. Bob…I do not know you but I certainly know Elizabeth. Ms Ossi gave me your phone number a while ago but it was the wrong number…so I’m writing you this message. I am the grandfather of 3 of the boys at Lakewood and I am there a couple days of the week reading etc. My twins were in Elizabeth’s class last year. I’m a pastor of a local church and want you to know you can call on me at anytime during this ordeal you are having to go through. Also…my wife is a 20 year survivor of liver cancer (which started in the colon) and I can relate to what you and Elizabeth are going through. I want to be of help to you any way I can but I do not want to “butt in” where not needed. I can visit with Elizabeth…you can call me to talk…anything I can do for you guys…I am at your “beck and call.” What I can do now though is pray for a successful outcome and I will certainly do that. (904-654-9154)

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  6. Bob, you’re only human. It’s hard to see the love of your life in so much pain, and to be helpless to help. Wouldn’t it be great if rubbing her back would be what she needs? I can’t imagine being in your shoes, but I hope you continue to feel that you can be whichever Bob you need to be with us. We are here for ALL of you. It’s extremely difficult for Elizabeth, but you and the girls don’t get through this without pain & horrible nights either. We love you guys, and are here for the fight, along with you all. I know that when she needs you, you will be there. You can only do that if you also take care of yourself. Rant away! We aren’t going anywhere!

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  7. Ugh. Hoping that today is a better day for Elizabeth and you and hoping they can control her pain. Cancer is one of those things that it often feels worse before it feels better. I had a friend going through chemo that said when she threw up, she envisioned a bunch of dead cancer cells getting flushed down the toilet. It made her enjoy the process a little more. She had a very serious case of breast cancer but is alive and well 10 years later, but it was a nasty battle. She had a great husband by her side (just like E does) and that made all the difference.

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