Hey Elizabeth, its your boy.
So, its been what, two and a half months? I’m pretty sure wherever you are you’re running the show by now. Telling whomever was in charge, thats nice, but let me show you this. Anyway, just writing you first to let you know I haven’t broken the kids yet. We’re actually doing pretty good all things considered. Still learning how to be a single dad but I think I’m getting the rhythm of this. They both got sick the last couple of weeks and nobody went to the hospital, just the minute clinic. I’m sure you’ve been looking in on us (more on that later) but let me run over things so in case you got busy you’ll know what’s doing.
First, Hannah. Look, she’s still amazing. Her and Carson just had their six month “anniversary” or whatever they called it. They’re cute together. We always laugh that he’s just a taller version of me. With better hair and not quite with my barrel like physique but he’s a super guy. I met his parents as well. Wonderful people. Went to school in Gainesville. Hannah said from the first time “you guys were like old friends”. We’re going to the Pixies show in a couple of weeks so they’re my kind of people. he makes his own beer (I can see you rolling your eyes, stop it). And his mom is super cool as well. She couldn’t have picked better people. You’d like them. She’s turning 19 in a few weeks and as usual “wants nothing”. I have an idea but I don’t know.
And Haley, look, theres been hiccups but I think we’re turning the corner. I actually went to a parent/teacher conference where I’ve never felt like so much a fossil. Her English teacher graduated from high school 10 years ago. Let me repeat 10 YEARS AGO!!!!!!! I’ve got t-shirts older than him. Seriously, he also had a man bun. But they all said she was really smart and doing well. And look, with everything going on truthfully, she did pretty good. And is doing great at dance. Her and her friend Anna are lead dancers on the school team and shes just kicking ass at Marks again. She found her love for it once more, I know you were concerned. But everything we did turned out right for that. We have her recital Monday coming up. We can’t wait. It’ll be a little bittersweet for obvious reasons (Hannah and I are going to be a frigging mess) but she’s so great at it. I’ll remember flowers, I promise. But I still see so much of you in both of them. From their beauty to their independence to their humor, I’m thankful for that. They took the best from you.
As for me I’m getting by pretty good. Our friends have kept me so busy to the point my therapist said, you can say no. Oh yeah, I’m going to a therapist. There’s good and there’s bad but on the whole she has helped. Not gonna lie, that first couple of weeks were tough. Not the going to sleep which everyone said but waking up. The getting out of bed to face another day. But I took a page from your playbook. To just keep doing. Because people are counting on me. From the guys I need to find jobs for to Hannah and Haley. It’s hard sometimes but I know I can’t stop. I know we talked about you wanting me to be happy. It’s coming around. I’m sure you saw the couple of fastballs the universe threw at my head. That was awesomely craptastic but I think I outlasted the beating and am getting back up to throw haymakers. And I reconnected with someone who honestly makes me smile every time talk to or am around her. It hasn’t been long but I haven’t genuinely smiled like this in months. On the subject of universal cosmic circumstance she sent a picture out the other day she took that had the strangest connection to you. Pretty sure you had a hand in it because it was uber-pintresty. I think though that the mourning has subsided a bit. Not the memories (I still tell stories about you) and still use the terms we and our. But our friends get it. Not sure if that will ever go away. Probably not but I think we talked about it once with about some friend of yours, eventually, you’re/I’m still alive and you have to continue to live. So I’m trying and its hard but I think I’m doing a decent enough job of not tripping over myself.
So I know one of your last wishes was not to be forgotten. I think we’re getting to the point where we talk about you and laugh a lot. Remember those pictures of the girls on the mantle that you said eventually we’d change out? Yeah, I dont remember that either but Haley did the other night. Now she doesn’t want to change them. And I can’t speak for the girls but theres little hints and clues you throw out to make sure we know you’re still around. Sometimes its pretty bold but sometimes very subtle. But you know what you’re doing, and whatever advice I would have would just make it worse. We’re headed to New York during Christmas this year. I swear we won’t get into any trouble and we’ll make “good choices”. Well mostly good, some might be just plain fun. Somewhere we’ll need to find a place to serve a slider and a Malibu and orange. We still think of you, a lot. But we’re doing as good as we can. There’s been some stumbles and missteps but we’re still learning this new normal.
I haven’t been able to write without you here so excuse me if this letter rambled a little. I also don’t think I have a stamp that the USPS will deliver to parts unknown so I’ll just leave this out in the ether to find you. I’ll write you from time to time and we’ll see where this goes. A next chapter to the blog if you will. Just to keep up with our nonsense. The last hashtag #uphillbattle is officially in the books. We’ll start using #threeleggedtable for this installment. So I’ll end it here for now as our good friend Mike drove us into a cow poop filled creek with a golf cart (don’t ask, it was just typical what we do, we’re not that smart. There were about 104 things that could’ve gone wrong so getting stuck wasn’t a huge problem.) and I need a shower, but we’ll keep in touch. Still love you more.