So hey babe, it’s our anniversary. The 21st one. I still remember the day we met, our first date, the day I proposed, all that. This was our day. Still is. I’ve thought a lot about you today without remembering the last year almost at all, well, except vowapalooza. Only the good times and there were a ton. Whats the old saying, don’t cry because its over but smile because it happened? I’ve honestly smiled a lot today. Physically you aren’t here to eat crappy Pizza Hut pizza like we did on our wedding night and every year since but I will, knowing you’re around somewhere, so I ordered one with just cheese and pepperoni because I know you hated the other stuff. I did get onions and the fish because, well, you’d complain that I stink but would get over it. It’s the only day a year Pizza Hut actually doesn’t taste like garbage in a bucket. I know you told me to keep going and be happy and I’m trying. Sometimes I think I’m succeeding. The girls are helping me out (as I hope I am them) and I’ve got great friends, really, they’re all the best, but…..
Damn, I still miss you.
I miss your voice. I miss you coming in and hugging me when I cook. I miss you saying “thank you” after every meal. I miss sitting on the couch watching Survivor with your head on my lap. I miss…..all of it. I miss you pushing me in the middle of the night when I snore (I tried the cpap machine, I really did, but it wouldn’t work, you would’ve hated the noise too). I miss waking you up in the morning and getting ready with you, laughing about nonsense on the morning news. I miss riding anywhere with you driving and thinking, wow, I’ve been less scared on roller coasters. I miss you and Haley getting into it about her clothes (okay, thats a stretch, I’d like to hear it again but to say “miss it” is really a lot). I miss you, a lot. We still tell stories about you and talk about you all the time. As great as I think I’m doing now I’d trade it all in a minute to see what would’ve happened with us. And like I know, we talked about it, but you took a piece of me with you that I’m not sure I’ll ever get back. I was looking for something the other night and stumbled over a ton of pictures under the bed that after ten minutes just had to put back. I’ll probably drag them out at some point tonight. I know you’re watching us and thinking that this three legged table is complete nonsense, there’s still four, there always will be. I know this because we’re all still vertical and doing as good as possible. Hannah is absolutely a force of nature and Haley is coming into her own and really figuring things out better than I even expected. I’m trying to get on with life and keep moving forward. But did you ever hear how when people lose a limb theres still some weird twitch or feeling where its supposed to be? Yeah, that, all the time. So anyway, I’m going to cry over the last piece of thin crust, probably have another (few) beer and one more thing, and I know what I’ll hear in my head after I say it…..
Love you more.