Hey kids, so today marks the two year mark of our heroine passing. Yeah, its a bittersweet anniversary for sure. We (Ham, cheese & I) did our thing that we”ll do from now til the end of days, went on a boat, laughed a lot, went to River city brewing (Elizabeths and I rehearsal dinner spot), then after that, went to Hurricane Wings. I know what you’re thinking, but hear me out. This day two years ago we looked at each other and after a long day (nay, year) went, I’m hungry. So we got wings. And made a vow that we’d gather here every year no matter what. and we order one Malibu rum and orange juice. We all take a sip or two (even Hay who thinks it tastes like hand sanitizer). Bartenders and managers be damned. It’s our traveling communion. Just a way to remember. Which leads me to this………..
I woke up today feeling different. Not because of what the day was going to bring but what it didn’t. I remembered the happier times. The laughs. For all of us. There was not a sense (for me) of what was lost but what we had grown into. I think from reading what Hannah wrote and just talking to them that we’ve gotten to a different spot. A good spot but different nonetheless. I could never understand what its like to lose your mom just as they could never understand what its like to lose your spouse. But goddammit together we have leaned on each other and figured out how to lose and just keep going. Granted, I have a lot of help with Kim (and hopefully the girls have too, and for all that and for helping me, I really, truly love you) but life is meant to keep going. I read a blog the other day about grieving and it said something that struck a nerve. The ending is just the beginning. That you can now reinvent yourself in ways that only you can imagine.
I know Elizabeth would’ve loved this. I know from talking with her before the deal was done but even earlier that she just wanted the best for all of us. It’s why I woke up this morning and read all the facebook memories and had all the flashbacks and felt all the feels and knew that she would never had wanted this to be a sad day. That she wanted to be remembered always but not in that mournful way. She would have wanted us laughing. She would have wanted celebration. It’s why when I woke up when I remembered her it wasn’t the cancer stricken part of her, it was that 20 years of health and heart and love that I was so happy to be a part of. But we keep going. With all of life’s ups and downs. We just keep going. And I’m more fortunate than most that I’ve got all this support around me and the girls. I don’t use this term regularly nor lightly but I, and we are blessed.
I will leave with this. I remember the last meaningful thing she said to me. When we woke up from a nap. She thanked me, for laying in a bed in hospice. I had a stain on my shirt from whatever nonsense was leaving her body. Didn’t matter, still have the shirt. But right then I knew that was it. We may have said other things later but that was that. Again, I’ve thought about that moment a lot today. But its not with the frail body that I was with, it was with Elizabeth, my Elizabeth, the one I woke up today thinking about. Heart, mind, body and soul. And I’ll always, always love her.
So, the second in this never ending blog of nonsense about the three legged table. Thanks for the renewed interest and such. It really means a lot more than you’ll ever know. I got one response from a reader from the past that it inspired her to volunteer at the regional hospice and palliative care facility where shes from. Pretty cool stuff because really, I never meant for it to do anything like that. So I read a few of the past blog as they popped up in my post the last few days. Some of the stuff is pretty funny and it made me chuckle a bit because I remember exactly how I felt then. Some did give me a little lift because of the support of everyone who “rode the wave”. The ones at the end were sad to say the least but it was the end of a really great story. Sorta like at the end of “The Notebook” when you’re crying but say wow, that was really great (or in my case the last Star Wars but I digress). A lot of memories of that year and others stirred up that I and ham and cheese, while we wish some hadn’t happened, are far better and stronger people because of it. So enough of the sappy, lets get to some happy.
As most of you know I ran the Gate River Run on Saturday. It was my standard couch to 15K where with no training whatsoever, our hero drags his ass off the couch, slide his six toed feet into running shoes, and for no good reason whatsoever, decides to participate in a road race. I finished ahead of a couple of old ladies with walkers, a group that had far to many mimosas during the race, and a couple that were pushing their twins in strollers (I’m not sure they were technically “in the race” but never let facts get in the way of a good story. The dastardly “Green Monster” Hart Bridge lived up to its name this year as the wind was just brutal as it could be. My time was 10 minutes better than last year which funny enough was 10 minutes better than the few years ago when I previously did it. If I keep up this pace I will soon be running up front with the “elite” athletes in about 10 years. Hannah took care of me post race with these normatex leg massager things at her work and sticking me in the cryotherapy chamber. For those not familiar with this form of torture you essentially strip down to your shorts and stay in a glass room thats -230 degrees. That’s right kids, -230 degrees for 3 minutes and 30 seconds. Think of that beer you stick in a Yeti cooler and its kinda like that. But you feel a thousand times better after you’re done with it so thats a plus.
We’ve also been watching “The Bachelor”. Now I know what you’re saying, Bob, turn in your man card, this is unacceptable. I completely get that. However my reason is two fold. One, Hannah and I watch it together, and any reason to sit and laugh with her is worth whatever shame I have watching this nonsense. Also, and little secret here, its really great. It wouldn’t be on this long if they didn’t have it figured out. It’s like one of those old bands that you’d never really listen to but go see in concert and understand why people really dig them and have been successful for so long. I started simply enough by stopping in the kitchen while Hannah was watching it. After poo-pooing it for probably seven and a half minutes, the next two and a half was figuring out what he would see in this brain-dead nincompoop past the fact she was smoking hot. Then I wanted to see the next episode because they promised “twists and turns” and I think somebody was crying at the end. Well now I have to watch it. I’m hooked. And like I said earlier, Hannah and I enjoy laughing at these clearly damaged folks who not only are trying to find love, but feel they actually deserve it. So we’re watching the last of this season tonight. Haley, god bless her, wants no part of it. I’ve long said shes the smartest of us.
So enough babbling for now. I’ll pop back in a couple of days to when something pops up. Love you savages.
So its been a while hasn’t it. Been a little busy with just doing. One of the things I’m doing is running the Gate River Run. That’s right, this guy is running a 15K. Well maybe not running. Well, barely running at all. A nice walk with occasionally throwing one foot in front of the other at an accelerated pace. But still, doing 15k. 9.3 miles with a big ass bridge at the end. It’s my second year in a row. I’ve had people ask me, why? Why would you do this? I make the jokes. Because I’m an elite athlete. There’s all you can drink free beer at the end (and not lying, thats a pretty great selling point). But theres actually more. See about three years ago and a couple of days I got news that would change my life. My wife, the mother to my children, was going to die. I remember that whole day like yesterday. How the hell am I supposed to do all this. A year later again, almost to the day, she passed. So last year I decided to get my butt out of the lounge and go “run” a race with 16000 of my closest friends. You may ask why? Because I can. Because I sat in that seventh floor wondering what the hell was coming next. Because I watched someone who two years ago was full of life wilt away. Because I can. I saw a sign that I should’ve bought during check in because I’ve thought it damn near every day since I saw it. It said “one day I wont be able to do this. Today ain’t that day”. So I did it. Last year in sort of remembrance and this year to look ahead. Not just at the 9.3 miles ahead but everything else. Ham and cheese moving on to their next steps in life. Kim and I figuring out our next steps. Everything that comes along in this crazy but wonderful life. Sometime along the way a friend of mine told me as I was going on about the bullshit going on that one of the reasons I was upset was because we were about to turn “the corner”. That corner that while you don’t have everything figured out, things just are a little easier. I got a lot of corners to turn on Saturday but I’d like to think I’ll one day get back to that “corner”. So I’ll keep doing it. The race and just life. It’s kind of the way I’ve done it the past two years, keep looking forward and occasionally look back to see how far I’ve gone. And at the end there will be all the beer I can drink either way.
So this was just a warm up. I’ll let you know how the story continues. Got a lot of stuff coming up that I’ll want to go long about. Graduations, life changes and soup reviews that will knock your socks off. Going to try to self publish the blogs of the year in hell (with some stuff added) and donate to charity, I’ll let you know about that. Hopefully all the people that said I should keep writing don’t come to their senses and say, Bob, thats enough. So after a year or so away from this I have no idea if any subscriptions still work but if you can, give it a shot. Or I’ll throw them up on the facegoogle and see what happens. Until then, love you guys, big kiss, muuuuuuuuahhhh