A Tale of Two Locations

Lemme jump right in here

Hello kids. It’s been a little bit hasn’t it. I figured between Hurricane Irmageddon prep, loss of power and general chaos, nobody really gave a damn about the blog, so I decided to get fat and drunk as a rat on hurricane rations. Because no matter what they tell you, non perishable items and rum will go bad on you. So right now I’m at an undisclosed location on the eighth floor at the temple of doom in the chemo room, maybe. It’s been a rough couple of weeks for our heroine. From just being tired from the second bout of radiation to starting chemo again and just wiping her out, its been a whirlwind. We spoke with our doctor and after the MRI next week we’ll be possibly starting a third medication to go along with the two for chemo she’s got now. We asked about possible clinical trials. That’s not really an option at this point because the chemo/radiation combo is working or holding the line. The trials are only offered if things start to go downhill. Then we assess the feasibility of mobilizing her to a different hospital and all that goes with it. So thats actually a good thing right now. Her tube is giving her fits also. The chemo/hurting tube combo meal sent us to the emergency room last Sunday night after a weekend of misery. We think a stitch came loose or something and the ER doctor confirmed this. Side note, is it a requirement for all the ER doctors to have a man bun or Mr. sensitive ponytail action going on with their hair? This one wasn’t male model quality like the immortal Dr Dragon but the hair pulled back just I don’t know. It lessens my confidence a little. Maybe its jealousy, could be. I doubt it but maybe. Either way, she’s stubborn and wants to battle through it. Why, its beyond me, but thats what she does. So keep her in your thoughts as we’re doing chemo two weeks on, one week off again and hopefully its not as bad as last time

Obviously the universe has been plotting against us for months. I have no doubt about it now with this storm blowing through the islands right before we were supposed to go on vacation and leveling everything. Seriously universe, I know fair is only a place with barn animals and rides put up by carnis, but honestly, you owe us a break. Just one. It better be a big one. And don’t tell me about you holding the rain off for our vowapalooza. I don’t want to hear it. You need to pull something big off, you know what I want, just do it. OK?

Wait, whoa whoa whoa stop right here

I wrote this all above sitting in a room watching my wife getting nonsense/poison pumped into her. I thought a lot of dark stuff watching her sleep. I thought a lot about this blog. In a strange twist of fate I woke up (after passing out against a wall) listening to a podcast thats usually funny talking about people who lose people when they’re young and how strong they are. I thought about how people have said how good my blog is, and how is it therapeutic on some level. I’d like to say it is. Because the last few weeks have been torturous without it. I put on a pretty brave face but look, I’m scared. I look at my kids. That’s a tough road. I talked to a guy a few weeks ago on a jobsite and I’m not certain I mentioned ham and cheese but he said “your girls will be stronger than you think” Man, I certainly hope so. I look at my wife. I cant imagine. I dare not look at myself because thats a wormhole only savages go down. I’m truly thankful that I’ve collected a few that will wallow in the muckety muck with me. You know who you are and I will never, ever be able to thank you enough. Elizabeth and I were sitting in the waiting room and there was a guy with his wife (we assumed). Dude looked tired. Elizabeth said that guy getting off the elevator just looked worn out. She hoped that wouldn’t be me. I looked at him. Seemed like a guy without a support system. I know I’ve said a lot “I’ve got this”. Because I want to be the tough guy. Fact of the matter is I’m not. I’ll need all you sooner than later. I may hug a lot more. If that offends you or you’re uncomfortable with it too bad. Deal with it. Little story, we had an appointment in pain management today. After checking in there was an older guy wheeling his wife to the desk. Usually a pretty mundane event. But this was so great……

(Woman behind the counter) Last name of the patient

(Dude moving the wheelchair) Battle Axe. Hold on, I’ll spell it. B A T T L E A X E. Battle axe.

The whole room friggin lost it.

He delivered a line that I think was lost in the laughter. “Please, put me out of her misery”

It was like a live version of married with Children it was so perfect. Might have been the most honest laugh I’ve had in weeks. God bless that guy.

There’s been a lot of heaviness the last few weeks guys. Pray for us. Send mojo or juju or whatever. But this ain’t going away. Time moves pretty fast kids. Dont forget to tell the people close to you that you love them. Until I see you, love all you and blog at you later. Big Kiss MMMMMMMMMMUUUUUAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just Bored

What new pussycat? Whoa-a-whoa-a-whoah. So we’ll take a break from our Hurricane Irma festivities to bring you this episode of “stuff that happens at Mayo Clinic that Bob will complain about”.


1) This jackass who I think is hard of hearing anyway but decides to jibber jabber on the phone about nonsense, loudly. Oh, I think he’s going to call one of those credit card reduction places because that’s always a great idea. You know, “the Ones that take $10000 of debt and turn it into $2000”. Gotta have a plan right? His stories have no purpose or end. Now he’s talking about some fat nephew that plays baseball. That boy needs to lose some weight apparently. I hope his phone dies a horrible, gruesome death quick, fast, and in a hurry.


2) The power assist doors to the bathroom. You may have seen them. They open up all the way but very slowly and then pause for a few seconds, then close even slower. Thank god it wasn’t a photo finish or that could’ve horrified the waiting room mafia.


3) Once established in the restroom, the toilet paper dispenser had two rolls. One rolled from the top, one underneath. I think this is too politically correct. I know, I sound like some right leaning wingnut when I say this but honestly, on this issue, take a side and stick with it. If someone’s offended, who gives a shit, well except the occupant of the stall (see what I did there?) who needs to make a business decision. Top or underneath? The folks here at Mayo have enough on their plate without having to wrestle with this quandary during quality alone time.


Elizabeth is back from her endoscopy. That didn’t take to long. Hopefully everything went smoothly (or as smoothly as it can) and we can figure all this out. I’ll keep errybody posted up. I pray if you’re out of south florida that soon you’ll have a hurricane in your hand instead of in your yard.

UPDATE:  there was nothing found during the endoscopy. Zip, zero, squadooch.  While that may seem like a fine thing really no answer stinks like dead fish in the sun.  The pain is still there, they gave her nexiums to take twice a day.  So I don’t know what to think.  Both of us are pretty frustrated and aggravated by the lack of information and hoping that bad news isn’t around the corner.  Stay safe if you’re in the hurricanes path.  Love you guys and blog at you soon



Hey kids, let me jump right in.

So update on our heroine Elizabeth. The wednesday after vowapalooza brought the second bout of radiation. And with it, feeling like crap a week after it. Tiredness, fatigue (you’d think they’re the same, they are not as tiredness you can battle through and maybe take a nap, fatigue just crushes you constantly), not sleeping from the steroids, which when you combine that with fatigue, makes a combo meal of bleh with a side order of ugh, and still the pain in the middle of the chest. We brought this up again before radiation. The doctor gave a little better response as he said an endoscopy was in order and he’d order one up. We have that scheduled for this week to see what can be done to alleviate the pain. Hopefully its something that can be worked out without a second tube (if you pray, meditate, toast the universe, please do this as a second tube is not wanted, at all). In a bit of good news she found some bandages that let her immerse herself in water. These are a game changer as she can now go in a tub or a pool for the first time since March. So that’s a win.

Thankfully we had a break this weekend courtesy of my Aunt Terri and Uncle Richard. They set us up at the Gaylord Palms in Orlando for the weekend. After last weekend, while it was loads of fun, was exhausting. It was nice to have 48 hours where we had zero to do but stare at the walls if we wanted to. The beginning was a little “hairy” as there was a problem in the bathroom when we got into the room. Yes, “hairy”. I’ll say no more as I’ve said to much but whatever you’re imagining, it’s probably correct. So after that and parking issues (and a little coercion on our part) we wound up with a pretty healthy credit. Which wound up being used on a really good steak. I’ve never eaten just steak for a meal before but lets just say, the meat sweats afterword were tremendous. The breakfast buffet was just ridiculous and I ate far to much the first morning (and even though I didn’t plan to, the second as well. No sane person should ever eat that much). Then nap, pool, then dinner. Which was interesting as far as people watching goes. There was a table of what we could only assume were a family. Well there was a young couple (which I guess I’m getting old because everyone under 30 now looks like “those kids”). Well they were uncomfortable all over each other (at the table right next to us) culminating with her putting his hair in a pony tail on top of his head like some hipster dufus. To put the whip cream on top of this sundae they had four kids with them that could not have been more unruly or obnoxious. Just flopping around and acting like general turds. The cherry however was it was one of the kids birthday. They brought out the cake (which looked phenomenal, a cake with donuts around the perimeter. Who are these people? Rockefellers or something?). Well, the little mutant proceeds to blow the candles out……with his nose. Without a doubt one of the grossest displays of hideousness I’ve ever seen. Then begins to eat the thing like a goddamn caveman culminating with him dropping a giant glop on his shirt and crying about it. Did I mention the kid was 34 years old (I’m joking but he looked about 10 years old, or old enough to know better or get a smack in the head) All in all though it was a wonderful and much needed weekend.

During the weekend though we had a crazy surprise. Elizabeth’s sister Judy called us up and wondered if we had the chance to go to the Virgin Islands would we go? Well does a bear pee in the woods? Does the pope wear a funny hat? (Raising Arizona reference) Of course we would. Well her friend Kitty at the jump of this circulated a letter to her friends asking for Marriott points and frequent flyer points and put together this “dream vacation” for us where everything, and I mean everything is taken care of for us. To say we are overwhelmed by this doesn’t begin to describe it. I’m not sure theres a word that does. Now hopefully the universe will turn Hurricane Irma and not blow this for us (see what I did there? Hurricane? Blow? I’ll show myself the door).

Either way, continue to pray/think good thoughts for Elizabeth. This last week and a half has knocked her for a loop. Not gonna lie, it’s Ben a little rough. Oh, please, if you’re coming by, please stop in and see her. Truth be told, while Ham and Cheese and I are a delight to be around, she needs to see different faces. So thanks for the support and we”ll keep fighting. #uphillbattle people. (Bring it in for a big hug) Love you guys and blog at you later.