A Profound Experience

Seeing as I’m up, I’ll jump right in.

So yeah, you know what’s great? Having a neighbor that feels the need to tinker with what I can only assume is a Harley or maybe some giant piece of industrial equipment at 8am in the morning. They really should go ahead and record it and sell it alongside crashing waves or noises from a babbling brook as Its just soothing. So soothing.  But I digress. Anywho, our heroine had quite an experience this week. For people who know me know that the chances of seeing me in church on a Sunday are about the same as having Sasquatch (or Bigfoot as he’s known to his friends) walk through your yard, eating a hot dog and whistling Mrs Robinson by Simon and Garfunkel. Slim to none. It’s not the fact that I dont believe in a higher power, I do. But church has never really taken for me. Elizabeth however was raised in a church environment. She has a much stronger (and probably little different) belief in the gospels than I. So when this whole thing began, understandably, our faith was a little, lets say, shook.  Mine a lot more than hers.  I spoke with a good friend at length about this and he gave me a different perspective on how to look at this from a religious angle. It was well needed and I’ve thought about it a lot since then. However, I still worried about Elizabeth’s state of mind and how to relieve it. Well, I’ll just let her tell it.

To post or not to post was running through my mind. Well, something said to but only a small piece.
Today my mom and sister drove me to the north side where at my dads old (before St. George’s Episcopal Church), Holy Cross is now Christian Healing Ministries. A retired Episcopal bishop Frank and Emmy Cerveny got started and brought in Francis and Judith Mac Nutt. I went in not knowing what was going to happen but kept my heart and mind open. They apparently have been here for over 20 years and from what I was told and what has been written is that God is using these wonderful men and women are praying for individuals and miracles have happened. So what did I have to lose. 1- there is a very long waiting list but was able to get in today after a call mom made to our friend to just find out information about the church. 2- it just happened to be at what was once my father’s church, Holy Cross where I have few memories because I was young. When we got there we were kindly greeted and given a little info. I went by myself and met 2 women whom I’m embarrassed I can’t remember their names at this minute. They were so kind, loving. They told me what the ministries do. I’m not going into all the details as this was personal to me. No, there was no weird hullabaloo going on. Just talking, quiet times and prayer. That’s all I’m going to say. But when I left I was calm, felt more at peace than I have since this whole thing started. Maybe I’ll get the miracle we all are praying for and if not I’m a little more at ease with myself and God. I still have things to sort out for myself but that is normal. I’m glad I went. I thank Mrs. Cerveny for helping us get in. The website for this is http://www.christianhealingmin.org.
Sorry, no tattoos, piercings, jumping out of planes or anything like that. My love to everyone who continues to pray for us. Please keep the prayers coming. 🙏💕😊

There was more but as she said, its her story to tell.  I do know that she seemed a lot more at ease last night than she’s been in a while. And believe me, I can see some of your eyes rolling from here. “I don’t think that’s how God works”. OK. I get that. I honestly would probably think the same thing sitting where you are. But let me ask you this?

The cell that went sideways and started this whole ordeal.  How’d that happen? We’ve asked doctors why and how a woman who barely drinks, never smoked nor done any drugs, and takes care of herself, can get an extraordinarily rare tumor? One answer we got from a surgeon, dumb luck. So my question back to you would be this, if we dont have an answer as to how it got this way, who’s to say a little faith in God/positive thinking can’t turn this thing around (along with modern medicine). And we aren’t even saying that God is going to magically make this disappear. That would be a true miracle and if it were to happen like that I would not only go to church every Sunday but they might as well give me a key to the joint to open it up an hour early and I’ll bring breakfast.  Maybe the miracle will come in the form of a doctor saying, hey, lets try this or some new method they figure out.  What’s the old saying, the lord works in mysterious ways? All I know is she feels better mentally and that is going to go a long way.

There were a lot of coincidences, happenings, and weird things going on for the universe yesterday to tell us that everything was going to be alright. So for today and going forward, we’re going with that. Keep riding the wave, pray for a miracle, and lets see what happens. Leap of faith type of thing. What could it hurt and it costs you nothing. Love you guys and blog at you later.

A Call to Arms

CANNONBALLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!

So, a quick update on our heroine. After the switch of the antibiotics everything felt better a far as the nausea. So that was a win. We went and got another dose of the chemo today and hit another one next week then are off until September with that. We have mapping on August 4th then install the radiation for the right lobe on the 29th (post vowapalozza.). The CT and MRI after a week shows that everything is holding the course. No real change, but its only been a week so we”ll wait and see. We’re going to hold off on the clinical trials for now. After talking with the nurse, we’re going with the best meds with the best history for right now. To equate it to a football game (which I tend to do) its like a team scripting its first ten offensive plays. We aren’t at the point yet where we need to start chucking bombs down the field. The nurse made sense that if these drugs/methods are working, then why introduce something that may interfere or cause side effects that you dont want. And I want to say we appreciate all the advice/posts/messages/texts/emails we get (we really, really do) but none of us are doctors, and few have any medical training, especially me. There’s a lot clinically they still could do and she says they have up their sleeve if needed. I’m still going to get with MD Anderson to see what’s out there but really, lets see how this plan works. We may start to even fiddle with the nausea medicine and see if she can get behind the wheel again. So that would be a win. But for now, everything is fine.

So I’m starting the day off and like usual its on ESPN radio.  I’m paying the usual amount that I do to it (not very much) and head to the temple of doom.  It’s the day  for their nonsense awards (the ESPY’s) but also the day they auction off stuff for the Jimmy V foundation for cancer research.  I’ll be the first to say I would’ve listened to maybe twenty minutes of this and moved on in the past.  I may have flipped it back out of habit but wouldn’t have paid much mind at all. But after February I listened. The first speech I heard was Stuart Scott’s before he passed.

“Fight like hell. And when you get too tired to fight, then lay down and rest and let somebody else fight for you…I can’t do this ‘Don’t Give Up’ thing all by myself. I got thousands of people on Twitter to encourage me.” (We got a lot on here, so thank you all)

“When you die it does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and in the manner in which you live.” (I can vouch for this, the kids that have had Elizabeth as a teacher will make this a better place because of her.).

I kept listening. They had stories of people who have battled/are battling cancer. Again, I was absolutely riveted. I listened to Dick Vitale, a man far past his prime screaming about why can’t we do something here, the passion in that guys voice resonated. There was one guy that (again, like I do) equated it to sports and said if we’re getting beat, lets do something else and adjust. These doctors need the funds to do this (don’t, please dont start with the big, expensive building thing here, that’s for another day). But then they played Craig Sager’s speech. I didn’t know much about him until he died. But really a cool spirit.

Whatever I might’ve imagined a terminal illness would do to my spirit, it’s summoned quite the opposite. The greatest appreciation for life itself,” he said. “So I will never give up. And I will never give in. I will continue to keep fighting, sucking the marrow out of life, as life sucks the marrow out of me. I will live my life full of love and full of fun. It’s the only way I know how.” I really thought about us and how man, we really need to start to laugh again. 

The last I heard was the now famous Jimmy Valvano speech. The one with one of my most favorite quotes in the world,

When people say to me how do you get through life or each day, it’s the same thing. To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. Number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that’s a full day. That’s a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you’re going to have something special.”

I started to think, I used to see these speeches and think wow, that guy is a tough SOB.  After watching my bride, and I’m a little biased here, these guys have nothing on her. She’s going to keep going. We’re going to beat this. We just need some time.  We need to keep this train rolling. So I know, if you’re like me, you probably turned off ESPN after thirty minutes of this or you’ve donated to the American Cancer Society or one of the other great groups out there.  Look, this is a free page. I’ve never asked for anything so if you would consider this a one time subscription fee.  Most of these cancer  foundations concentrate on the sexier types of cancer.  Brain, breast, skin, whatever. There is nothing wrong with that, lot of people unfortunately have to deal with them. Few deal with the specific type our heroine is dealing with here.  In the end, what will money do, I don’t know.  But I’d hope it would bring us a little closer to figuring this out.  So if you’re going to give, please give to this. Here’s a link.

http://cholangiocarcinoma.org/get-involved/donate/

Again, I’m not asking but if you were going to give to something, this might as well be it.  So thanks and we’ll blog at you guys later.  Love to all and in closing this out, another quote from Jimmy V.  One that honestly, I had to pull over because, well…..

“I know, I gotta go, I gotta go, and I got one last thing and I said it before, and I want to say it again. Cancer can take away all my physical abilities. It cannot touch my mind, it cannot touch my heart and it cannot touch my soul. And those three things are going to carry on forever.

I thank you and God bless you all.”

 

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This Ain’t How This Love Story Ends

I’ll just jump right in.

So an update on our heroine. The radiation went well. They planted the seeds in the left lobe of the liver and there was a small artery about the size of an eyelash they squeezed it into. We’ll wait for four weeks then do an MRI to see what’s doing then schedule for the right side of the liver. What they dont tell you is about the antibiotics they prescribe. You’re supposed to start them two days prior to radiation. We started them on saturday and by saturday afternoon the downward spiral began. Nausea, sweats, chills, fatigue, and generally feeling like poo. So we went for the radiation. Even the doctor said yeah, that’s a tough one but you need to have it. Swell. So after four days of hell we wound up with a trip to the ER (which is where I’m writing from now). Every doctor/nurse we’ve told about this medication (Flagyl) bristles at the mention of it. At least three have had it and said, oooooh, yeah, I had problems with that.  The last doctor said her mouth started to water like she was going to throw up at the mere mention of it. So, they are changing up the meds to something else with a name so long it sounded like he was making it up on the spot, just combining names of different drugs because he just forgot the real name. It’s what I would do. I just heard it again, amoxifloxincillin. Still sounds like something Dr Seuss would prescribe but either way, we’re done with the other stuff. So we’ll see.

Now for a little housecleaning. Ham and cheese are doing great. Both have been supported by their friends and are in good spirits all things considering. Both girls have been blanketed by friends old and new and while we’d like to protect them, because they’re our kids, watching them grow up knowing all this is around them is pretty cool.  Well, cool in the fact they’re strong people, not just kids. You know, the kind of people that when I grow up I want to be like. Hannah received a scholarship for two years at FSCJ where she’ll be going in the fall, so yay her. They both are great kids and really I honestly, truthfully, couldn’t ask for anything more. We also are speaking with a friend (Al Emerick, a sweetheart of a guy, if you’re in Jax you’ve seen him on the Kia commercials. He’s bald, with a beard. Reminds me of a striking young man I look at in the mirror every day) about some family value mapping/counseling.  I think that will do us some good. The counciling we’re getting here, while I’m sure he’s a fine dude, just ain’t really working (the last time we were in, I think the advice was “just keep doing what you’re doing”. Thanks. My fortune cookie said something similar the other night). Also the outpouring of support from the last blog has been overwhelming.  From good friends and family surrounding us to people I’ve never (and probably will never) meet its truly one of those things that has changed my way of thinking. We’re not giving up. This is still an uphill battle.  We’re going to talk with our doctors about maybe some alternate/second avenues (clinical trials) or just to see who else they’ve spoken with to exhaust all our options. I spoke with a doctor from Vermont, a sister of the director of Haley’s production of west side story about this. We owe a lot to Beth Harvey as she’s thrown more greatness at our kids (and our family) than we deserve and our lives have been made a lot easier with her in it. Anyway, her sister gave me some advice on how to handle some of this going forward as far as medically. Not that we’re dissatisfied with the quality of care, but when the clock is ticking, and you have the dice in your hand, might as well throw a few rounds right? A post from one friend at the beginning of this spoke volumes to me. “This is not how this love story is supposed to end”. No, no its not and I still have a shred of confidence we’ll still win. And that’s all it takes right? Just a shred.

I’ve also heard a lot about how I should be a writer from people who read this nonsense I’ve thrown out here. This started as a way to keep everyone updated on our heroine and somewhere down the line turned into something else. So I’m going to turn this into a book. “How not to jump off a bridge, a caretakers tale” (I was going to go with a longer title “Tales of wit and wisdom from the side of a hospital bed from a caretakers point of view combined with stories and andectdotes about real feelings and pontifications on life events” but the more I looked it seemed a little wordy). It’s going to be the blog posts with some looking back at what was going on at the time. Hopefully, someone will get something out of it because there are times the doctors look at you as a caretaker like you’re a fly at a barbecue. Which look, I get we aren’t the patient, but sometimes have a lot more idea about what’s going on. So we’ll see where that turns out but thanks for the support again. It’s been a long few days. I’m bushed. Plum tuckered out. Whatever. Anyway, love you guys and blog at you soon.

Post blog action: Elizabeth still feels not well. Think its the radiation. Hope its the radiation. Still dont know how it went from four weeks til symptoms and fatigue come to two weeks to 48 hours. That’s a pretty big window. Nonetheless, feels less than stellar.

Big kiss MUAH!!!!!

 

The one I never wanted to write

Well, this will be a hard one. Between the tears and glasses of whisky I’m not sure which will run out first. See, I haven’t been completely forthright on this blog with all of you. As the story goes on you’ll understand why. See, Larry has pretty much given us knockout blows since the jump.  For those who we’ve told and kept things under wraps I really want to thank you. Again, there were those that didn’t need to know yet. I’ll start from the beginning.

Remember the first meeting with Dr. Mody? The one I said we would do three rounds of chemo then radiation, then three more rounds then see where we were and see about cutting this monster out? Well, there was a prior meeting with the surgeon who met us upon arrival.  Apparently, Mayo Clinic has a much better MRI than Baptist Hospital, which might be monkeys drawing on a cocktail napkin with crayons. The surgeon showed us his MRI. Which had the Klatskin Tumor (Larry), plus two more in the liver and one in an artery going into the liver. With all this and the position of the tumor, surgery was off the table. No transplant, no nothing. Then we had the meeting with Mody where I think I wanted to hear something I didn’t. Either way, this was bad.

Oh, then the saturday night ER visit and the doctor that looked like he belonged in a soap opera. Well, there was a meeting the monday after. Wherein the doctor (haven’t seen him before or since) began to talk and mentioned “quality of life going forward” a few times. Wait, that’s something you hear when old people are on their way out. How the hell does that apply to our situation? So Elizabeth finally asked the question, “Is this terminal?” His response that I remember verbatim “well, I’m not going to say yes because I’ve seen miracles happen here, but more than likely you will succumb to this disease”. Well shit.

There were a couple of days that were tough. One for me was one Sunday when I was going to talk on the phone with Dr. Joesph.  I woke up, went to the store, cried on the way there. Started shopping, cried in the bread aisle.  Went across the street to get a beer and shot. Sat outside and cried again. Called Dr Joesph and sat in my front yard and after hanging up just bawled.  I came in, kissed our heroine on the forehead (she had a friend over) went to cry in the hammock and that collapsed. Seriously, the universe had conspired against me that day.

Anyway, we went to go see Mody a day or two before Hannah’s graduation. Elizabeth asked point blank, what are we looking at here. Two years.

Two years.

The chemo will work until it doesn’t. Then once it stops, we’re on borrowed time. So ok, that was the knockout blow. It’s been pretty good since then as she hasn’t had chemo and can feel like “a normal person” so that’s eased the grief a little bit. That and the stuff going on. Graduation, dance recitals, other things. The wedding vow renewal came up on the way back from a day at the beach with my buddy Mike. The conversation was a little heavy then that popped up. I will never, ever be able to thank all of you for the groundswell of support that happened with that nonsense. Even with nothing to offer except a couple of old people renewing vows on the beach then turning you savages loose on the patrons of Atlantic beach, I’m amazed at the love.  But back to the story….

So, Mody says he will tell Ham and Cheese what’s happening. That way if they have any questions, he can answer them. That and we honestly didn’t know how to tell them, but we both agreed they needed to know. So that’s where we went today. Like I put on Facebook I would’ve given up damn near anything just to skip today and fast forward to Saturday. But life doesn’t work like that. So we went to the temple of doom.

We had the meeting. There were some tears in the room. I thought maybe they knew and maybe they did, but hearing it from a doctor is just a punch in the throat. As we left there was just terrible silence. I hate that silence, because its just things marinating. We were quite for a while until I dropped my keys and Hannah broke the silence. She understood how I said some things have been said during this by a doctor and everything after that might as well be in Swahili because its just gibberish. So we went to eat.  There were some tears in the truck. Once we got to the restaurant it was just typical conversation. Laughs, making fun of each other, all that. We got back and hung around for a while. Then went to a movie. Some stupid “pirates of the Caribbean”. Really something with no thinking involved. We all had a good time. Then we got home and the dam just broke. There’s a list of 746 things I’d rather see than all three of my girls crying at the same time. That was tough, no, tough doesn’t describe it.  It was soul crushing. Tomorrow is another day. I tried to explain that there’s no difference between yesterday and today to the girls except now they know what’s happening. Hannah actually called me out on how stupid that statement was. I’ve had time to try to wrap my head around it, they haven’t. So we’ll move on. She’s going to work tomorrow.  Our awesome niece Addie actually took the reins and emailed Hannah’s manager to let him know what’s happening. The email back from him actually brought a tear to my eye so I can only hope she does ok with it. I dont know, its going to be better tomorrow I hope. Can’t get worse than today right? Either way, I’ll throw out a few more posts now to keep everyone updated as it got difficult to paint a happy face on a situation that as the later it got, just didn’t deserve it. Again, I’ll try to keep this a little funny, because in the words of the philosopher Jimmy Buffett, if we couldn’t laugh, we’d all go insane.  Right now though, today, that laugh seems a little far away, but I’ll find it. We’ll all find it.

Love you guys and blog at you (sooner than) later.

Life ain’t a carousel, its a roller coaster

It’s been a while, where’s the deep end, let me jump right in. 

So how have we been. First things first, an update on our heroine. She hasn’t had chemo since Hannah’s graduation due to the fact it has to be out before the radiation. We are scheduled for that on July 3rd. So if you had plans on us being at a fireworks extravaganza on the fourth, count us out. From what they say, it hits you pretty hard. Mainly fatigue, so naps will be had. I need to find this pad on top of the mattress we had at myrtle beach. More on that later. But for now she’s feeling as good as she can. Some pretty good days.  We switched up the meds to the Marinol (synthetic thc). Now, its been well known I’ve dabbled once or twice with the devils weed, she hasn’t. Ever. Never, ever, not once, not never. So I was putting it in the pill box at 10 am and 10 pm. So at 2am she would wake up, starving,  She would eat a bowl of lucky charms or if there was a bag of chips or box of crackers out, they’d be empty sitting lying on the counter. Well, after a lengthy deliberation with an old friend of mine (whom we went to Amsterdam, you know, to look at windmills), we came up with a sound medical diagnosis. 

You got the stoner munchies. Ain’t no cure but lucky charms, cheetos, bowl of Ice cream. I just hope I dont wake up at 3 in the morning with her zonked back out trying to explain to the pizza delivery guy, dude, nobody ordered a extra large pepperoni.  I know its got my name and credit card number on the ticket, and I understand you have the telephone number of the person that ordered it. And I’ll take it because I’m now up and need a healthy breakfast but damn. 

So that. And the fact that we decided to renew our wedding vows. We’re driving back from our good friends beach shack after a day and got stuck on 95. It got a little deep for a little while, then we paused….

You want to renew our vows? 

Hell yeah. Let’s go. So we put it out on Facebook as we were again, stuck behind a tractor/trailer full of what I could only imagine was either produce, George Foreman grills, or weed. Before we got home there were 297 responses saying “we’re coming”. Holy crap. We just expected a few family and friends, four sea turtles, and a couple of hobos sleeping in the dunes. As its gone on, the response hasn’t let up. This might be the most epic gathering in the history of gatherings. There’s people coming in from the Carolinas, Texas, Georgia, and parts unknown. We will be taking over a block at Atlantic Beach. We are staying at One Ocean. If you want to stay there, send me your email address and I’ll give you the guys number to call. They’re waiving the two night minimum for a one night stay. But you have to call and get the deal. We will have nothing to offer but a good time. No bar, no trays of chicken fingers, not even a chair to sit in. It’ll be like Woodstock but without the hippies. So come on. 

We also went to Myrtle Beach. A big thanks to my friend Bill for the use of his condo. It was like old times. We got there, I drank too much (not really) and my wife drove me home (in a golf cart, on the back roads). Went to an aquarium, ate more than I should’ve.  It was good just to get out of town and breathe a little bit. Honestly try to forget about it for a bit. 

Ok, forget about it, that’s a lie. And I’ll do a blog next week. It’s gonna be long. It’s gonna be a little tougher, to read and to write. You’ll get it when you read it. Love you guys and blog at you later. 

This one was better

I haven’t even dried off and I’m jumping in again.

So back to back posts. It’s like Christmas in June right? But I’m sitting waiting on food after taking Cheese to west side story practice so here you go. We met with a new palliative doctor today. The old one, well, after making us terribly uncomfortable (again, ask me about the story if you ever see me because the tale would horrify my kids) combined with turning my wife into Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue hours after running out of smack with withdrawals, we were done with her. So we met with a fresh one today. Younger woman. Super nice. Remember the story about the marinol? The synthetic thc that insurance may not cover, might be $3000/script? Here’s a script, go see (covered by the way). There were other parts/remedies that weren’t “endorsed” by mayo. She made that clear as she shrugged her shoulders, nonchalantly. Nothing illegal nor nefarious but, if it gets you through the day, yeah, go for it. We talked about some other things but it was about what I expected the first time. More a “how are you feeling, how can we help you” rather than the sex, drugs, and rock and roll than the other. She set us up for a psychology consultation on Friday. So that’ll be fun. The doctor said he’s bald, little goatee, smaller, quiet. Sounds like a little mini me. Either way, she was great and glad she’s on the team. So, tabs here, sandwich is gone and they’re telling me I’m “inappropriate”. So anyway, love you guys and blog at you later. Mahalo.

Even A Little Busy

Let me jump in here.
So how has everyone been. Hopefully it was a good Memorial Day weekend for everyone. I’ll start off with the reason we all are here. Our heroine has been doing pretty well. We had another round of chemo on thursday which by all accounts went pretty well. We had a meeting with Dr. Mody in which we are still awaiting some results from testing. But all in all she is staying on the same line we have been at. Which was fine considering the busyness that we were embarking on during this week. 
So lets review, Tuesday, a parent meeting for Haley and her production of West Side Story wherein I found out this play is going to be three hours. Yes sir, a nice three hour epic. It brings me back to the days of the dance rehearsals for another dance studio that wont be mentioned and a nice five hour marathon in a school auditorium. However, this will be great. Cats was awesome last year and Peter Pan years ago was super. Honestly, I joke but I can’t wait to see it and if you like the play/movie, you should go and catch it. Wednesday we had doctors appointments and cat scans. After that we had Hannah’s senior dinner which thankfully our heroine caught a nice wave and was able to attend. It was really cool seeing her interact with her friends. Thursday was chemo day. Friday brought Hannah’s graduation. It was as great as you cold expect. We were as proud of her as could be. Our niece Addie (you may remember her, best niece ever whose name starts with A) made us giant head cutouts of Hannah that we taped to sticks. Yep, heads on sticks. Which came in handy as Hannah couldn’t find us in the crowd until, oh wait, there’s a half dozen giant heads of me in the crowd. Those must be my people. After the graduation they came in handy as everyone gets separated walking out of the joint and what’s the best way to find people in a noisey mass of people? Cell phones? Nah nah nah. Look for giant heads hovering over the crowd. Much better way to go. So after we gathered everyone up like a herd of cats, we went with our friends the Delegals to get a bite to eat. We got home around 10 and crashed around 11, which I had a feeling, was not going to bode well for the next day as we had a graduation party to get to. I woke up shot out of a cannon. Which crashed terribly after a salted caramel donut from Krispy Kreme and enough coffee to float the titanic. I saw an open hammock and after climbing in, lasted all of 34 seconds til I took a long, hard look at the inside of my eyelids. I awoke to my bride coming out and saying she was bailing on the party. So Hannah and I went. I believe I still have the meat sweats from the ribs and chicken I stuffed in my gut. I even got a take home present of two giant bags of meat. So I call it a win on every level. Sunday brought a day where I needed to get Elizabeth and Haley out of the house. For some reason (I blame sober thinking) I say hey, lets go to the Town Center and Haley, you’re driving. Getting to the town center isn’t bad, driving around the town center is an advanced course/demolition derby of chaos. I was so rattled I went into Hollister and spent money like a drunken sailor as my nerves were fried. We got back, a little more hammock time, then a race to publix to pick up meds, again with Cheese at the wheel. This time I had the assistance of rum to ease the nerves. Monday brought some family time. We sat around and watched crappy tv shows and goofed on each other, which was nice. So there has been no rest for the wicked here. And none to speak of in the near future.
Now let me talk about something that is going to be a complaint against the Mayo Clinic. While the doctors and caregivers have been top notch there is a huge problem for their male customers that walk through their hallowed halls. These “no water” urinals are a scourge on the hospital and society as a whole. Why you ask? I wear flip flops almost exclusively. Or I wear shoes without socks. If there is no water to get your flow going in the right direction, which is down the drain, then its going to splash, on your ankles, or on your feet. To avoid this you need to get in a shortstop stance with your feet spread out like you are ready to dive for a ball at any minute. This is unacceptable, almost as unacceptable as that nonsense they want to pass off as cheese grits in the cafeteria. I’ve seen my bill, the least you could do is put some damn water in the urinal. And dont give me the “its good for the environment” rhetoric. Do you know how much water I’m going to use scrubbing the top of my feet the first chance I get, which might be, could be, I dont know, in the sink walking out of the restroom. Six of one, half dozen the other I say. Flushing is American and if loving a swooping rush of water down the drain is wrong then I dont wanna be right. Oh, and what’s the deal with people just laying about on benches in the waiting room like a bunch of hobos at a bus station. Go get a blanket and lay outside but don’t bother me with your snoring while I’m trying to read about Prince Harry’s new girlfriend in an old People magazine. And other guy who wore flip flops to the hospital, keep the damn things on your feet! You’re not at home. Dont put your bare feet on the table in front of you. Nobody, and I mean nobody wants to see that. And as men we all know what’s on the top of those hooves. That’s right, put your pee splattered feet back in the flip flops and set them on the ground and try to act civilized. That’s it, I’m all riled up now. I’m going to bed. Love you guys and I’ll blog at you later. (Takes mic and throws it against wall).

Been a little busy

Let me jump in here.

So how has everyone been. Hopefully it was a good Memorial Day weekend for everyone. I’ll start off with the reason we all are here. Our heroine has been doing pretty well.  We had another round of chemo on thursday which by all accounts went pretty well.  We had a meeting with Dr. Mody in which we are still awaiting some results from testing. But all in all she is staying on the same line we have been at. Which was fine considering the busyness that we were embarking on during this week.

So lets review, Tuesday, a parent meeting for Haley and her production of West Side Story wherein  I found out this play is going to be three hours. Yes sir, a nice three hour epic. It brings me back to the days of the dance rehearsals for another dance studio that wont be mentioned and a nice five hour marathon in a school auditorium. However, this will be great.  Cats was awesome last year and Peter Pan years ago was super. Honestly, I joke but I can’t wait to see it and if you like the play/movie, you should go and catch it. Wednesday we had doctors appointments and cat scans. After that we had Hannah’s senior dinner which thankfully our heroine caught a nice wave and was able to attend. It was really cool seeing her interact with her friends. Thursday was chemo day.  Friday brought Hannah’s graduation. It was as great as you cold expect. We were as proud of her as could be. Our niece Addie (you may remember her, best niece ever whose name starts with A) made us giant head cutouts of Hannah that we taped to sticks. Yep, heads on sticks. Which came in handy as Hannah couldn’t find us in the crowd until, oh wait, there’s a half dozen giant heads of me in the crowd. Those must be my people. After the graduation they came in handy as everyone gets separated walking out of the joint and what’s the best way to find people in a noisey mass of people? Cell phones? Nah nah nah. Look for giant heads hovering over the crowd. Much better way to go. So after we gathered everyone up like a herd of cats, we went with our friends the Delegals to get a bite to eat. We got home around 10 and crashed around 11, which I had a feeling, was not going to bode well for the next day as we had a graduation party to get to. I woke up shot out of a cannon. Which crashed terribly after a salted caramel donut from Krispy Kreme and enough coffee to float the titanic. I saw an open hammock and after climbing in, lasted all of 34 seconds til I took a long, hard look at the inside of my eyelids.  I awoke to my bride coming out and saying she was bailing on the party. So Hannah and I went. I believe I still have the meat sweats from the ribs and chicken I stuffed in my gut.  I even got a take home present of two giant bags of meat. So I call it a win on every level. Sunday brought a day where I needed to get Elizabeth and Haley out of the house. For some reason (I blame sober thinking) I say hey, lets go to the Town Center and Haley, you’re driving. Getting to the town center isn’t bad, driving around the town center is an advanced course/demolition derby of chaos. I was so rattled I went into Hollister and spent money like a drunken sailor as my nerves were fried. We got back, a little more hammock time, then a race to publix to pick up meds, again with Cheese at the wheel. This time I had the assistance of rum to ease the nerves. Monday brought some family time. We sat around and watched crappy tv shows and goofed on each other, which was nice. So there has been no rest for the wicked here. And none to speak of in the near future.

Now let me talk about something that is going to be a complaint against the Mayo Clinic. While the doctors and caregivers have been top notch there is a huge problem for their male customers that walk through their hallowed halls.  These “no water” urinals are a scourge on the hospital and society as a whole. Why you ask? I wear flip flops almost exclusively. Or I wear shoes without socks. If there is no water to get your flow going in the right direction, which is down the drain, then its going to splash, on your ankles, or on your feet. To avoid this you need to get in a shortstop stance with your feet spread out like you are ready to dive for a ball at any minute. This is unacceptable, almost as unacceptable as that nonsense they want to pass off as cheese grits in the cafeteria. I’ve seen my bill, the least you could do is put some damn water in the urinal. And dont give me the “its good for the environment” rhetoric. Do you know how much water I’m going to use scrubbing the top of my feet the first chance I get, which might be, could be, I dont know, in the sink walking out of the restroom. Six of one, half dozen the other I say. Flushing is American and if loving a swooping rush of water down the drain is wrong then I dont wanna be right. Oh, and what’s the deal with people just laying about on benches in the waiting room like a bunch of hobos at a bus station. Go get a blanket and lay outside but don’t bother me with your snoring while I’m trying to read about Prince Harry’s new girlfriend in an old People magazine. And other guy who wore flip flops to the hospital, keep the damn things on your feet! You’re not at home. Dont put your bare feet on the table in front of you.  Nobody, and I mean nobody wants to see that.  And as men we all know what’s on the top of those hooves. That’s right, put your pee splattered feet back in the flip flops and set them on the ground and try to act civilized. That’s it, I’m all riled up now. I’m going to bed. Love you guys and I’ll blog at you later. (Takes mic and throws it against wall).

It’s not me, It’s you. 

(Editors note: This post will be written in the voice of Elizabeth as I’m typing with one hand and performing a Vulcan mind meld with the other)

Hi Dwayne, how have you been? I’m fine thanks for asking. Look, we’ve had a pretty long run together. I remember when I first brought you home.  How you constantly reminded me you were there by shooting pains up my side.  And remember that second day when Bob tried to figure out how to tape you up and got tape wrapped around the tubing? Boy, that was excruciating.  Oh, and how about the time when I was coming out from chemo and got the valve stuck in my jeans and it felt like my innards were pulled out? Then we got home and Bob tried to flush you and you squirted saline out of the side like a squirt gun, causing us to rush back in the next day for an emergency surgery.  Boy, that sure was something. We had some times, I cant say they were all good.  But I’m writing you to say its over. I’m done.  We’ve been on the outs for a long time and quite frankly I’ve had enough. 

You can cry.  It’s not me, its you. 

Quite frankly you’ve been a pain since you showed up here. With your stinking bag of bile attached. Nobody said they could smell it but I could, and it was terrible. And the sleeping. Really, the whole thing was terrible.  My kind sister in law made a bag to spruce you up but as the old saying goes, you cant polish a turd Bevis. My mother in law made a belt to support you while I showered but who are we kidding here. So we’ll part on decent terms. You did a pretty good job all things considered. Early on yeah, the clots probably were on me but look, truthfully, you had one job. So parting is not really sweet sorrow.  I still have this tube out of my side but hopefully the internal tube they put in will do the trick and we wont have to meet up and reminisce about old times, because quite frankly, if I never see you again it will be too soon. To quote an old Motley Crue song, dont go away mad, just go away. While I still have your tube attached and capped like that one thing you can say you forgot at my apartment to see me again, just don’t. We cant be friends. I mean, I still can’t get in a tub or go in a pool until I get rid of it but still, we’re so through. So consider this our breakup letter. 

You can keep the drain cups if you want them, I’ll just throw them away. See you Dwayne. 

Hey Larry, you’re next. 

Quick Hitter pt.2

I’m not even jumping in. 

OK. So hopefully if you got spam, that’s fixed. Mine blew up because of this blog-o-Rama and hopefully its done now. Sorry if you got hit. I blame Russia, Microsoft Windows, and probably that porn/dating site you swear you never visit but we all know what’s up. Anyway, this will be quick because I have to get up and blast out at 5am tomorrow for Orlando. I cant stay out of town for two reasons. One, things change hourly. Two, I really don’t want to miss a night in bed with by bride.  Oh, and the pain med business stinks out loud. So, whatever. Hit you up on Friday.