When a win doesn’t feel like a win

I’ll jump in right here. Jackknife with a big splash.

So yeah, been a week. The chemo on top of radiation just kicked our heroines ass like Mike Tyson beat down that palooka in his 14th fight. It was rough. Every joint in her body was sore, she was tired, the stitches were bugging her. Just nothing but bad. So she and I just ate it until wednesday. So we went to the temple of doom. She was in an ill mood due to having to fast 12 hours prior to blood work at 6:30 am then the MRI at 9 (another six hours). Look, we know the reasons behind it but when you’re dealing with a cancer patient that has nausea issues on top of everything else, after 16 hours of not eating, I’m shocked she didn’t trash the place like Van Halen hotel room after a concert. So we get to the doctor. Mixed results. The radiation is doing its job and getting to the big tumor and killing the middle. However, there are two other spots on the outside now. He called them something but didn’t seem too concerned by them. We’ll know more monday about that. So yeah. She had her tube fixed and hoping that resolves some of the issues. Last night sitting on the couch was the first time in a while that she said she felt little to no pain. Which if she would quit gasping when she breathes sometime at night I would feel better about. So we just keep going right? They had her scheduled for chemo on monday which just isn’t enough time off. So when we go in we’ll talk about skipping that because, well, that may be better. At least we hope. It sounded kinda like a win but we don’t know yet. Like that game where a touchdown is under review. We’re hoping its good.

Hell, we really don’t know.

It’s funny though because I watch her and even with all she’s going through I see the same killer chick I fell in love with twenty years ago. I see some patient in a wheelchair drop a bag, she’s going to grab it before I can take a breath. She’s still kind to strangers. We were in an elevator and some older gentleman had a long sleeve gator shirt on. She looked and told him he looked “handsome in his shirt”. He lit up a little bit. Even with the pain and crap and everything else she’s going through, she still does the absolute most considerate thing all the time. I wish I had that move in my repertoire but if you don’t, marry someone who does. Like I’ve always said, its not the grand gestures that make her or anyone up. It’s the little things. The actions throughout the day that take so little effort but can change a mood for the better for someone else. She does that better than anyone I’ve ever been around. Ham actually, while I’ve said is far more like me than is probably good for her, has that quality. Just something that will make you laugh. Or the other day when I was leaving for work. She left a little note by my keys. Just filled with stuff that we laugh about usually. Saying to have a good day and ——>over

You’re doing a pretty good job with this “life” thing.

Again, its a small thing. And I’ve heard it in different ways from a lot of you. But just that hit me in a special way. Not gonna kid you, some awesome leaked out of my eye. The mornings have been tough. It’d be easy to just pull the covers over my head and cry. It’s hard sometimes to lace up the boots and leave. But that? I felt nine feet tall walking out the door that day. Little things. I just saw on a facebook post, It doesn’t cost anything to be nice. I could’ve been snarky but I get it. It doesn’t. And Elizabeth and the girls are great examples of this. I’m a better person because of them. I’m not sure what I add to the equation but hopefully its something as good. Maybe how to smoke a great pork butt or the value of keeping tall grass short and the value of edging and weed eating. Not sure what but I’m just hoping. Anyway, This is gonna be short as I’m just tired. I’ll bring a little more next time and hopefully a little more funny. Hugs and a slap on the ass til next time. Love you savages and blog at you later. MMMMUAHHH!!!

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One thought on “When a win doesn’t feel like a win

  1. I’m so sorry you have had such a rough time this week Elizabeth. I hope and pray this gets easier on you and pray for your healing from this cancer. Bob, I can’t imagine being in your boots, you are a great husband and father, sending prayers for you and your girls as well.

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