Chasing our tails

I’ll jump in right here……..

Hey kids, I know I’ve said about a hundred times I would post more. Well, that was just wrong. I’ve been extraordinarily tired and had zero energy to let you guys who’ve been following this tale what’s going on. For that, I apologize. Anyway, onto the status of our heroine. Last we spoke was prior to the morphine pump being installed. So anyway we went in early morning on January 3rd. An outpatient surgery mind you. They would keep her in the hospital for a night just to make sure there was no infection, would be no problems. Now mind you, they are installing a pump thats about the size of a gas cap. Up her spine. She was already in pain mind you. So that scenario didn’t seem right but what do I know, I rent scaffold for a living. Ok, so she gets wheeled back, I head back to the hotel across the street to get a nap. While I’m thinking about this a special thanks goes out to Kitty Bollinger for picking up the room for us. It was a godsend but I have a story about that later as well. So after she gets admitted to a room after the procedure I head back. Her pain level is at a 10. She can’t walk by herself across the room to the bathroom. She has about a seven inch incision on the right side of her stomach and a two inch incision in her back that both are stapled up. Again, I just rent poles for a living but this doesn’t appear like it will magically be better by tomorrow to go home. The next day I guess it was though as the pain ramped down to a eight or nine (again, one to zero is what we’re looking for). Her leg was having trouble moving out of the bed and still, walking ten feet to the bathroom was labored. So the nurse comes in while I’m watching Friends or food network or whatever the hell was on the tv right then. The TV in a hospital room is strictly white noise and light as whatever is on is just inconsequential. It could be partially naked supermodels talking sports with the resurrected zombie corpse of Jimi Hendrix playing behind them and I’d barely pay attention. Anyway the nurse comes in and tells me “we’ve all discussed it and we’re keeping her here another day”. Thanks. Because there was no way I could go home with this “outpatient” situation. So we stayed another night at the temple of doom.

Now after the nurse informs me that we’re staying another night, I thanked her for all their concern, then I remembered, I checked out of the hotel that morning. I looked at the purple couch/torture rack and began to sweat. I couldn’t possibly go back to that. I felt like that Seinfeld episode where Elaine asks Jerry to sit in coach instead of first class on a plane and he just scoffs. “I Can’t go back to that!!!” So I looked at my bride, said I’ll be back and went to get another room for the night. Upon arrival I was informed that while he told me last night that there were rooms available (I had a feeling), that they couldn’t get me one because half the hotel had no heat. I begged and pleaded to just give me one. I have blankets and jackets. I just need a mattress. Nope, come back later and hopefully they will get it fixed. So after three or four times and calls the woman at the counter said it wasn’t happening. The heat wasn’t back on and they had nothing for me. Defeated I wandered down the back hall. I got to the door and I realized I really needed a beer because I was about to erupt. So I wandered back up to the bar to order an overpriced miller lite and saw the guy that I was talking with the whole time. He started pointing at me from the front desk. The other woman comes up to the bar and says the only thing that went right during this ordeal ” Mr Reeves, we have a room for you” THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!! Anyone who says you never solve anything with alcohol is has just been proven wrong. “It’s only queen beds” She could’ve said it was a short twin bed and I would’ve bit. So that was nice.

Back to our main story though. We get back to the house on friday and shes still in pain. There’s also still the problem of some weird nerve thing that they hit during the morphine test that caused pain in the nether region (and still is there). There’s fluid down there as well and we have no answers. She also had Dwayne the drain changed out the day before the surgery so theres that pain as well. Plus the pain of getting a gas cap installed in your side. So this essentially is just a huge, perfect, shitstorm of things that can cause terrible, mind numbing pain. Those days were rough. Then on top of that she had chemo the next wednesday. This new chemo treatment just kicks her ass with nausea. Basically to sum everything up shes been in bed since the surgery. We did go to pain management yesterday as the pain down under was still terrible. They cranked the pump up to a pretty good dose and we upped the meds at home. They took the staples out in the front but the back had some sort of fluid gathered around the site (seriously, enough with the fluid). They will take those out next week. It’s been a hellish two weeks but today has been better. She’s moving better and feels ok. Hopefully we can see the light at the end of the tunnel with this pain. It’s got to get better right? We’re due for another win. There’s still the issue “down there” which according to a doctor friend of ours (which again, I’m truly thankful for because I feel I can talk to him with a little different tone) after speaking with our “team” it could just be something that is not fixable. Again, and I’ll say this until the bitter end, yes, could it just be coincidental that this problem began after the test. But damn, it just sticks in my head that maybe it was exacerbated by it. Like we told all the doctors and nurses, we’re past pointing fingers, just what is it and can it be fixed. Hopefully it can or be masked. We’re also going to have acupuncture done by the neurologist that performed the surgery. He’s really good and has gone above and beyond to get this figured out, calling people in front of us to get answers, etc. So hopefully that will help, couldn’t hurt right? Today though there were a few good hours. Then it went south again. Hopefully tomorrow there will be more than a few. Then the next day a few more. I don’t ask for much, it’s the least the universe could do.

A lot of people have asked how I’m holding up. Ok I guess. I started meditating again at the beginning of the year. It sounds hippie dippy but I’m a huge believer in it. It’s misunderstood for sure. People think, you just sit there and dont think. It’s the opposite, you do think but just one thing at a time. Take all the noise out. Sit the phone across the room and just close your eyes and shut the hell up. Once or twice a day for 15-20 minutes is all you need. However I thought I needed more. So I went to this place that has sensory deprivation tanks. If you haven’t seen them or aren’t familiar with them they look like the escape pod in Star Wars with a foot of water in them with 800 pounds of Epson salts so you can float. The temperature is the same as your body temp as well. You get in and close the door and just lay back. No light, no sound, you cant feel anything, completely disconnected from everything. Well I say you can’t feel anything until you want to wipe a bead of sweat out of your eye. What the girl who gave me instructions didn’t tell me was that if you get this water into your eyes you might as well have put hot coals on your retinas. That really hurt for about five minutes but you live and learn. At one point your mind starts playing tricks on you and you feel like you’re floating through space. After an hour of absolutely nothing but sitting in there with your thoughts you emerge completely and utterly relaxed. Kind of like after a really good massage and you’re spaced out. I even got home and think I drank one beer out of habit but was really disinterested in it. This feeling lasts for a few hours into the next morning. I’ve also found I can get to that relaxed place a little easier when I meditate. So I’m doing this every ten days like a shower whether I need to or not. I was asked what do you get out of it by a friend and all I can say is I think everyone gets something different. For me though it was awesome and well needed. We actually talked about getting Elizabeth into one. Tape up Dwayne and I think it would be cool and out of the water.

I’ll try to write next week after we see the pain management people again and the “team”. Hopefully we can get more answers and keep progressing to the point where some good days are ahead. Until then love you guys and blog at you later. Big kiss MUUUUUUUAHHH!!!!!!

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